Matthew Perry Dead!

Could he be anymore DEAD? Matthew Perry is gone for good and some of us aren’t sad at all. Perry was nothing but an annoying asshat. Lets hope he never comes back from the dead to do an annoying reunion. Friends was the show that said New York City was a playground for white people who can’t make up their minds about love, life, career, or smoking.

Ahh the 1990s when this was classified as entertainment.


He played Chandler Bing, who was actually just a proto-emo with no direction, it’s suiting that he went out the emo way, drugged out in a hot tub that he didn’t really earn.

He had no sense of humanity even upsetting disgraced comedian Louis CK by not tipping waitstaff at an open bar according to a segment CK did on Opie and Anthony.

The guy made millions of dollars an episode pretending to be someone he’s not and he still felt unfulfilled. Hmm, you ever think about not hoarding your money you stupid dead moron?


In my world there would have been weekly beat downs, robotic limb removal, hammerings of the cranium, eviction notices, cars parked on lawns, fake British accents… it would’ve been lit.

What we got instead was this weird show about super white friends who have first world problems in the world’s most cultured and expensive city. They have banal problems that have easy solutions to make the bovine viewer feel important.

Perry knew he was a hack, just regurgitating lines so the writers could make him palatable to audiences. His real self a miserable greedy prick, and a drunk. Why did you take drugs you piece of shit? What a waste. You could have gotten clean if you wanted to.


Could have donated your money and felt good helping the planet but nope. Now you’re fucking dead and your ghostly image is syndicated through every TV taunting them with the money you stole from main street America. Glad you’re dead. I hope the rest of the cast jumps in the hot tub with you.

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Kelley Lispy

Oh honey, bios are so 2019