Sean Penn is angry and is snapping his fingers and wagging his index finger at none other than Vladimir Putin.
CRAFT TABLE BANDITRY
Sean Penn comes up from the powdered donuts with sugar all around his nose and mouth, saying “Hey look at me everyone! I’m saving the world! Maybe they’ll write a novel about me. You know I wrote a novel once, it was called Fast Times in Deadbeatland. It won a bunch of prizes. What? Why are you looking at me like that? Huh? You can write novels too! Haha, why not? Isn’t my finger pointin’ at dictators good enough for you? Look at this finger! Look at how much better my finger is than your little finger! Hahahaha!”
Sean Penn was in Ukraine recently talking to Zelensky who is enjoying his new trillion dollar t-shirt. Him and Zelensky go way back, like one year. That’s right – ONE YEAR.
Sean Penn wants more people to help him in what he calls the ‘puppet revolution.’ He wants muppets controlling every country on the planet because only he has the smarts to control them all.
The Russians are just as confused as we are because their puppet is very strong, very manly, very much capable of wrestling a bear and making sweet love to it only the way a Siberian macho man could. Sean Penn is jogging in place, checking his heart rate, saying “let me at ’em, put ’em up” from the safety of his mansion because he knows his enemies are weaker than him and thus there is no reason to hurt them.
WE LOVE YOU SEAN PENN YOU’RE A FUCKING HERO
The media is loving it. Penn is flexing his biceps and Joe Biden is wandering around asking people in the audience if anyone has seen his “god damn keys” so he can leave for ice cream and pudding. Penn starts doing pushups with one finger on each hand to show us he is a super soldier the likes of which the world has never seen!
Sean Penn jumps out of the building, leaving a Penn sized hole in the wall. He begins running down the street and runs all the way to Russia where Sarah Palin has binoculars out waiting for him. Sean grabs them and looks through the lenses.
“Just as I thought. It’s Putin. He’s on every street corner in Moscow. I guess I’ll have to fight them all!” Sean Penn said, pushing Sarah Palin down a flight of stairs to her immediate death.
IT’S ALWAYS COLD IN REVENGE LAND
Sean Penn is running down the main street of Moscow fighting Vladimir Putin clones left and right like he is in the Matrix. Kicks are flying, he’s ducking, grabbing fists and bending them back and asking if anyone saw Hurlyburly. As soon as he is done asking they kick him in the face.
Just before another clone punches him in the face, the real Putin takes off in a space ship to a secret Russian planet where he is going to learn how to become a super saiyan. He is not able to stop Sean Penn from punching the rest of the Putin’s and throwing them all into cars or the ground until the last Putin is lying dead in front of him.
The last Putin is taken away by the police while Sean Penn breathes heavily. He grabs the police chief “TAKE ME TO SPACE RIGHT NOW!”
“Sir, I cant’ do that, I’m just a policema-” the officer says before being interrupted by Penn.
“Don’t you know who I am? I AM SEAN MOTHERFUCKING PENN AND YOU WILL DO WHAT I SAY OR I WILL HAVE YOU WORKING AS AN EXTRA FOR THE REST OF YOUR PATHETIC LIFE!”
After getting the policeman fired and extradited to an American gulag, Sean Penn then takes the elevator up to the space station where they know more about space. They tell him Putin has gone to the farthest reaches of the galaxy and he’ll just have to wait.
Sean Penn screams “NOOOO!” and rips his shirt, with tears streaming down his face. After pausing for 15 minutes he stands up and asks the nearest person, “did you get it?”
“Get what?” they ask.
“THE SCENE!” Penn says in an annoyed tone.
“What scene? This isn’t a movie. It’s a space station, I’m an astronau-“ they said before getting interrupted by Penn.
“I KNOW GREEN SCREEN WHEN I SEE ONE!” Sean Penn said half laughing.
He began jiggling the handle to the exterior to open the door. “Is this thing locked?”
“Yes. You’d kill us if you opened it.” the astronaut stated.
“YOU CAN BREAK CHARACTER ALREADY THE CAMERAS ARE OFF, PAL.” Sean Penn said annoyed and jealous of their assumed acting abilities.
Sean forced the door open killing everyone on the space station including himself. We all clapped. No seriously, we did. Some kid even got out his phone out to call his mother.