Doug Benson is back!
He may have misunderstood the contract though. You see he was high. If there’s anything you need to know about Doug Benson is he gets high. Then he gets on stage to talk about being high.
It gets Kafkaesque from here
One night he got off stage and was offered a brand new show called Getting Fried With Doug. Doug Benson thought this would be good money, I mean it’s been a while since people thought a middle aged man smoking weed was cool so he really needed the cash.
Upon arriving to the studio he was shocked to find out he was going to be breaded and fried like a chicken nugget. He asked how much weed he could buy with the money and the lady he was meeting with spread her arms wide and said “this much”. Doug smiled and signed the contract.
Unoriginal recipe
Before he knew it he was being dredged, breaded and fried to perfection.
The next time he got on stage he could feel the heat of the lamps making the grease drain from his pores. His greasy hair clung to his breaded skin and the whole club had an aroma of fried chicken even though this was a classy comedy club and strip club that only served steaks.
Doug got through his set and he felt different. No one was laughing at his jokes like usual but for some reason becoming a living pot pun wasn’t as fulfilling as he had thought.
As the shows ran their course it became evident the humor was only when he talked about getting high and being high.
People who were high also liked to hear about being high but would they want to hear it from a worn out old chicken nugget like Doug Benson?
Doubtful. So Mr. Benson worked on his routine some more. It had been too many years since Super High Me and today’s edgy teen needed more than a weed smoking grown up to make them laugh.
As the audience looked around trying to decide if Doug Benson should be eaten alive, they all decided they hated stand up comedy and left. Free to laugh at whatever they want.
A single tear dropped from Doug’s greasy face, dripping down over the joint he had in his lips.
“It’s 4:20 somewhere” Doug said to a 24 year old at the bar who rolled his eyes immediately.
They weren’t buying the cool weed smoking uncle shtick like past generations and Doug was later found drowned in ranch dressing in an apparent condiment induced suicide.
Joe Rogan appeared at the funeral to play Jocko’s Good video. It really pumps him up when he’s crying like a freak bitch.
Who is Doug when he doesn’t get high? NOBODY!
Don’t do drugs. It’ll turn you into a comedian!
