Happy BDay — Obama And Predator Drone Reunited!

Obama and predator drone together again at last!

For some time now the ex-president has enjoyed regular visits from Predator drones, on special occasions and in the dead of night. Sometimes as he sleeps they hover over his head to drop gumdrop dreams of the screams of the innocents into his mind. A smile creeps over his face as he wraps his arms around the drone and feels safe.

His men pat each other on the back as they hear that sweet sound. They’re proud to be Americans today. They’re so very proud of what America used to be.

The good old days

Obama spends the rest of the day walking the grounds of his compound talking to the drone, recanting the good old days of his presidency.

If only these walls could speak!

“Can you hear me now? Not good!” (Amazon Alexa Testimonial)

Thanks to Amazon Alexa, we heard the whole thing!

He can re-live the thrill of years now long ago, riding shotgun atop a predator drone as it dropped hot firey death on targets and collateral damage with impunity. Only to later decide to drop a spiraling blade of doom called the Hellfire missile on targets and collateral damage alike.

The pinnacle of human progress is a smart missile that is essentially a blender for those who oppose our ideology.


Our favorite president

Why don’t we remember those great times? The Obama years… sigh. It was all so simple back then when we were a baby. Nowadays you can hardly walk across the street without some MAGA maniac sticking 150 guns down your throat and saying Orange daddy please sell me hats.

I don’t have Trump Derangement Syndrome, I AM TRUMP DERANGEMENT SYNDROME!

Obama was the best and you’re just jealous because your ex-president isn’t playing basketball with a super cool predator drone that sliced America’s enemies into minced meat and didn’t even tweet about it!


We ALL KNOW THAT Obama and Clinton couldn’t beat ISIS alone in a fist fight so they needed help. They needed death from the sky to give them a little fist bump and text our Snapchat and say “I lowkey got you fam, at coachella u?”

I am so woke I say what all the rappers say even if I am as white as Siberian snow. Anything less would be propagating oppression.

Drone alone

Back to Obama and his dreamy drone, he calls back at dawn the next morning and orders a double tap strike! This is what he calls brunch and basketball with ol’ predator drone.

He likes telling the drone all of his deepest secrets, they’re so close even in the years after his two consecutive terms.

Hellfire missile, designed for drone usage, aka how the sausage is made. USA USA USA

That man loves holding up a phone and gesturing furiously as his mouth spews out puff pastry like pink mist. What a waste of perfectly good pastry.

Obama can do a lot of things well, but wasting puff pastry isn’t one of them.

The drone strike recognizes the faux pas but says nothing. I’m left there holding the bag socially hoping I don’t get turned into ground chuck for America.

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Writer/Contributor. Feminist. Hates Working Here.