We Asked Our Lawyer If You Can Do This In Public

We have a lawyer, he’s agreed to field some of our legal concerns coming up for BunkerCon. The annual festival where a bunch of internet users have nothing in common but us! It’s worth every hundred dollar bill.

Keep in mind he is our lawyer, and not yours. This is not legal advice, if you want that you have to pay some lawyer to decipher the black arts of law.

When you break the law the judge gets to break one of your fingers under Hamburgerabbi’s Code.


1. Use a flame thrower on the audience. Sorry Astroworld fans you’ll have to be executed in the name of entertainment in another fashion!

2. Put critics on spikes, even if they’re bigots. Seriously, I know you’re woke now but you can’t go all Vlad the Impaler on folks.

3. Shapeshifting into a werewolf who sends the curse of the wolf out via t-shirt cannon. Seriously guys, this is pretty basic stuff.

4. Don’t try to pimp out anyone else unless you’re Johnny Law.

5. Invoke the ghost of Abraham Lincoln for consensus about cannons. This law we totally agree with, it was disgusting when they did it in the 2010s, so we’re not going to do it now.

6. Rev a motorcycle on stage and ramp out onto the audience for a kick ass crowd surf.

7. Steal other people’s technology or ideas without asking them first. We’re looking at you China. Please ask permission to steal, especially on our WiFi! That’s for GUESTS only!

8. Do anything involving a cigar on stage, especially Clinton jokes. Thanks a lot Jay Leno!

9. Not use airplane noises. This is a FAA violation and you will be shot down by fighter jets.

10. Put a bucket on your head and while drumming on it screaming “FIRE FIRE IN THE THEATER!”